I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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