Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
