I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
