So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
