the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
