I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
