John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
