everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
