Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
