Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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