She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
