Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
