Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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