ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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