Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
