I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So many bounce houses so little time
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
