Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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