Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
