Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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