His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
