If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
