Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
