At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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