Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
