Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
