I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
