I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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