As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
