That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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