She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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