I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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