he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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