i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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