i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
