I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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