I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
