You don't have asthma, your pregnant
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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