my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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