i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
