Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
