seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
