This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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