don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
