You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
