I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
