My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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