dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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