youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
