The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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