It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
