The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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