yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
