He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
