Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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