My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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