She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
