How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
